When You're Older, You Will Understand

I was around the age of five when my mother left my real dad. I actually can recall the day that we officially moved out. My mom was packing up my things and I can still his voice in the back ground telling her not to leave, but it was the final straw for her. We then left and moved into my mom's friend apartment. That was the last day that I spent more than an 12 hours around my dad.

I don't like calling him dad because a dad is someone who is there for you through the years, and he wasn't so i call him by his first name, Tracy. Tracy and my mom had been together for around 10 years before they divorced. As I had said before I was around five years old when they split up, and at first I didn't understand the reasons why but now I do. Tracy had got involved in drugs and other illegal activities that my mom did not want me growing up around. I can remember the nights that he had promised to come and get me for his visitation. One night I was outside of my mom's apartment playing basketball and waiting because Tracy said that he was going to be there in about a hour. Time slowly went by and it started getting dark and Tracy was no where to be found so that's when it started, his broken promises. As being the innocent child I was, I had made an excuse for him and just blew it off as if nothing happened and went on with my life. One day we went up to Texarkana, which is where my dad lives along with the rest of my mom's family, we had stopped by my nana's house and Tracy was there. I had decided that I was going to tell him how badly he hurt me as a kid for missing out of all the softball games, the cheerleading, and the small things that a dad is supposed to be there for. But as soon as I walked up to him nothing could come out, and it seemed that i had lost all of my words. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried and no matter how badly he had hurt me I just couldn't do the same to him. 

That day on the drive home it was then that I figured out that adults are going to let you down, and not all daddies are going to be the same.  Now that I am 19 years old, I look back and see that what he did and all the hurt and let downs that he caused me to have actually made me grow as an individual. Everyone as a kid knows that annoying expression, "when you're older you will understand" I have found out that it is fairly true. Although Tracy never was directly involved in my  life, God put him there to show me that I can get through anything he puts me through, so I am kinda thankful.